Seven Words you can't say... in hockey form

I don't cover non-hockey in many ways but when a pioneer like George Carlin, a guy who has probably contributed to my sense of humor more than any person outside of immediate family, passes away it's worth covering in my eyes. Especially since I (attempt to) use humor in my writing. As a paltry tribute (one not even close to worthy of Carlin's humor, but my best attempt nonetheless) to the master here are what the seven words you can't say in a hockey setting.

Shit: A versatile word. Used for surprise like when something completely unexpected happens "Shit, the Flames just traded Tanguay to Montreal" or disgust "The Av's powerplay looks like shit tonight". Personally I tend to use it more in disgust that astonishment so that's how we'll use it here. Below is linked to an image that covers both

Aw shit!

Piss: This is the most bizarre word on the list. It really doesn't seem like a bad word at all. I think the most common usage of this word is to describe anger. And there isn't a more pissed off man in all of sports, than this perpetually pissed off prima donna puck-coach.

Fuck: Quite possibly the most versatile word in the English languages. It's a verb, noun, adjective, and declaration all at once. This versatility has not gone unnoticed and what better way to honor the versatile word with one of the most versatile players in the league: Son of Stastny

Cunt: Letter for letter the worst word in the English world. There is only one word that makes me as uncomfortable as this word (and that word is a racial slur.) This word should only be used to describe the most vile, mean, and the worst people, like describing certain hockey players.

Cocksucker: An insult of the nth degree. Not quite as bad as the previous word, but still quite a power expression of feelings. This word has no versatility, but it does one thing very well. It is an attacking word that is only good at insults. Put it in any other situation and it just can't handle itself. In other words, it's a perfect compliment to this guy (And just so everyone knows... I've never been more proud of my work on this blog)

Motherfucker: Most would think this is a bad word, but it really is a 2-way player. It all depends on the adjective being used in front of it. A "stupid motherfucker" has a completely different meaning than a "badass motherfucker". There is one player I can think of that people feel the same way about. You hate him if he's ion the other team, but love him if he's on your team. Luckily for the Avs this badass motherfucker plays for them.

Tits: The most beautiful word on the list. All the other words, at their core, describe some kind of excremental function, devious (and in one case only appropriate for a Greek Tradgey) sex act, or just are plain vulgar for being vulgar. But tits are nice, tits are beautiful. (You don't get that kind of hard hitting analysis on just any hockey blog). And Really I can think of only one other thing more beautiful than tits...this

So there's my good-intentioned but in no way can compare to the brilliance of George Carlin in Hockey form. RIP Conductor, even though you didn't write a blog without you the vulgarity, and humor in blogs that we all take for granted every day would probably not exist. Your influence has stretched across generations and mediums, and we are all just imitators flattering complimenting the original master.


  1. Brilliant!... Absolutely brilliant! Ther's really nothing else to say.