Let's get fired up

This Avs-Red Wings series has been seriously lacking in emotion. Now I have done my part to help quell any emotion. I know I didn't want to play into the whole "It's the Avs-Red Wings, let's get bloody" rivalry thing because I truly believe that time is passed. But there's a difference between having a rivalry and a normal playoff series. I think the Avs have tried to distance themselves from the rivalry so much that they have become apathetic to their team. This is the playoffs rationality and levelheadedness has it's place, but heart and emotion are needed too.

While more importantly the Avs players need to play with more emotion tonight, we Avs fans need to bring it up a notch. Yes the rivalry is over, but that doesn't mean Detroit fans have calmed down and become less of assholes. No in fact the end of the rivalry has only emboldened them to be bigger assholes. When we Avs fans turned our cheek and quietly didn't respond they started sulking, like the pathetic leeches they are. Only happy when they're feeding off of other fans misery, instead of just being happy they won convincingly.

So here we sit, 5 4 hours before the most important game in the Avs season, game three, and we continue to play nice and let Red Wangs from Mo(ron)town take potshot after potshot at our fine fans. Well no more. (Note: I can't talk shit about the Red Wing team itself, because they currently still have the Avs over a barrel.) Like I said elsewhere talking shit about a team when you're getting your ass kicked looks pathetic. But you can talk shit about their fans all you want, especially when said fans are entitled jackasses who seem to think that obnoxiousness is proportional to their validation as fans. Hey you know who else thinks that way... Leafs fans. At least they have an excuse, their team sucks. What's your excuse for being fuckwads?

So Fuck Detroit. That's right Fuck Detroit, and all their "true" fans. All these, literally, borderline Canadians who talk about how true fandom can only be attained by some BS passing the tradition crap. That's a funny thing to say since most Red Wangs fans became fans because some kid in a Ben Stein movie, whose dad owned a Ferarri, happened to be wearing the sweater. If all these fanatics live and die with their team so bad, how come they never mention the time between Gordie Howe and Steve Yzerman? You know those lost years when the Wings sucked monkey nuts? They should really start a blog named: "Abel to Yzerman, minus Dionne to Frye".

I've even defended Red Wings fans for not showing up at Joe Lemon this season. But no more. "But Michigan's economy is bad" they cry. You want a better economy, build better fucking cars. I own two Volkswagons. You know why? because they fucking work. Red Wings fans are such idiots that they have staked their entire economy on a company that can't even competently run a fucking football team. Start showing up to games, you have a good team. If you don't we'll give your team to a better Hockeytown*, like Houston or San Diego.

And you want to make fun of "Garcia" go ahead. But here's a fucking fact you forgot, he's not a "real" Avs fan. I know when Red Wings fans see this mugshot they are too busy making sure the guy in the picture isn't related to them to notice that the "Avs Jersey" he's wearing is one of those cheap corner street knockoffs. And while we're at it, let's take a look at the long line of illustrious Red Wings jersey appearances why don't we:

  • The aforementioned Frye- who was the stereotypical uptight uncool friend to the guy who ended up marrying Sarah Jessica Parker in a mid-80's movie. As you can see below this is the highpoint in popular Red Wings fandom.
  • A guy whose career, which consisted of Bullwinkle and gopher impersonations, was ruined by one Alanis Morissette.
  • A guy who, before playing a witty eternally grumpy doctor, was best known for being the gay librarian in John Candy's last movie. A western. Yes a Gay Librarian in a Western Movie.
  • The drummer in the second class emo band "Yellowcard"
If you want to start comparing Dave fucking Coulier and emo drummers to transvestite hookers bring it on.

And while we're at it, stop giving us shit about Borque's jersey being retired. Maybe it was more than a little absurd, but at least we didn't take it back for no apparent reason, like another classy franchise did. Ahh yes the immortal Larry Aurie. A part of the Red Wings past they choose to ignore. Apparently having a rich hockey tradition gives you the right to forget and erase any parts you don't like.

*Hockeytown nickname only valid when:
a)the team makes the playoffs
b)the team hasn't choked under the enormous pressure of the president's trophy(again!)
c)the economy is good.
d)The Lions suck
e)Michigan football sucks
f)The Tigers suck
g)There isn't a presidential election

Even though Hockeytown's citizenship isn't showing up to games they reserve the right to use the pretentious, sanctimonious nickname and throw it back in your face and bring up the local rich hockey tradition even though most of it happened before they were born and there's a block of time as big as a decade that they couldn't tell you three players who played for them the entire time.


  1. Want to see a real Wings fan? I suggest checking out the 1st episode of Shot of Love 2. Chad, a Detroit born flooring installer (remember in Detroit that's a upper class sort of profession), crys about the "Wang Bone" and how chicks love the wang bone. Shall we refer to their team as the "Wang Bone" from now on?
    This D-bag is just one of the many reasons I despise Detroit. If they love their freaking town and hockey team so much, please live there. Leave Denver! Stop clogging up my highways and get the fuck out of the ski lift lines. Fuck Detroit, forever and always. May your city, economy and team go down in flames of unemployment, stupidity and most importantly, fire.


  2. This post reminds me of how the Red Wings are up 2-0 in this series.

  3. @ian: and yet still can't sell out the building.

  4. Nice work. Outstanding rant.

  5. I hope that in the last half of the series, the Av's step up the (legal) hits. The Wild series was full of glorious hits, and was fun to watch. I think the Av's should capitalize on the physicality that they have previously played with (because it's just damn fun to watch)....

    Spectacular Rant... Red Wings Fans piss me off, not their club. The red wings have played great this season. I have not seen then play intentionally dirty this series (mostly b/c they have been too busy putting goals in the net, but that's besides the point)

    Fuck red wings fans... The whole Hockey Community hates them (besides themselves)