A Modern guide to hating the Red Wings

I miss the Glory days, when hating the Red Wings came naturally. They were easy to hate. They were dirty, and the Avs were clean (never mind that Claude LeMieux hit). They had the most obnoxious players in the world.... The obnoxious Russian Pretty Boy, Sergei Federov, Brendenn Shanahan, Mike Vernon was their goalie (Seriously they won Stanley cup with him, a couple actually), The stupid "Grind Line" who was not the best checking line in the league. The cheap shot Darren McCarty. Brett Hull. These Wings were easy to hate.

Even Steve Yzerman was easy to dislike. You hate him the way Sherlock Homles hated Moriarty, or the way Odysseus hated King Priam (that's right a Homer reference). You hate them because they are great and leading the wrong team.

Now, many of those hateable characters are gone, and the Avs aren't Ying to the Red Wings Yang. Detroit is in a major economic depression so it's very easy to feel sympathy for the working class people whose only fault in life was to follow the wrong team. So what's an Avs fan to do.. I'm not ready to live in a world where I can't hate the Red Wings. It will be a sad day, when that day comes. So I wanted a guide to hating the Red Wings.

1) "Hockeytown, USA"- It was cute the first time i heard it, but like 40-year old man calling himself Scooter instead of his real name, it has gotten old and immature. Yes they still call themselves this. Just a bit pretentious don't you think? I think Minneapolis, Boston, and a slew of small towns in Minnesota and New England should have at least a claim to this as well. When I think of hockey I think of Canada, Minnesota, and New England, not Southern Michigan.. sorry.

2) The Fans.
They picked up the pretentiousness of Hockeytown and ran with it. They were condescending and snotty when they were losers (which was the 40 years prior to the mid 90's). NOW? insufferably pleased with themselves. I get tired of "Avs fans are dumb" blah blah blah... Sorry being born in So. Michigan doesn't mean you automatically know hockey. The most entilted fans this side of Yankee Stadium

(side note: I don't like ripping fans of teams {your teams fans are idiots, ours are smart, blah blah blah}. I think every team has their share of smart fans and idiot fans, but I am trying to fuel the flames of hatred here, so the gloves have to come off a little)

3) The owner.
One thing you can say good about Red Wings fans is that they are passionate and loyal. Yet their owner has decided to price their tickets so high that they can't even show up to the games and be obnoxious. Since it's his team, hate him (I hope Red Wings fans turn on him too)

Now for reasons to hate the current team.

4) Chris Chelios and Dominik Hasek. Chelios is a jerk. There's not a better way to put it. Always running his yap and basically acting like he's superior, when his best days are well behind him. And Hasek well his nickname should be "Fish out of water" the way he flops around anytime someone breathes at him.

5) The Faceless Red Army-
Seriously have you ever seen a team with less personality? They should be the Beige Wings now with their lack of personality. Zetterburg, Datsyuk, Holmstrom, Lang, Lidstrom... The names and numbers on their jersey's should be replaced with "Red Wing #1, Red Wing #2... etc". Seriously they're like Stormtroopers. Not a feisty LaPerriere, gritty Skrastins, or Youthflly Energetic player, like Guite, in the bunch.

6) Bertuzzi- I have forgiven Todd Bertuzzi for the hit on Steve Moore, but he's always been pretty unlikable even before that. Now with the weight of what seems like everything on his shouldes, he seems like a bitter unlikable person.

So there you have it, these are all great reason to hate the Beige Wings (I hope this catches on). Now the Avs just need to rise from the ashes to stop this faceless, evil superpower.


  1. Hell, I don't think the color beige is bland enough to describe this latest incarnation of Wings.

    How about the "Off-White Wings" or the "Eggshell Wings".

    Bland bland bland. Not a single charismatic personality to be found.

  2. transparent? Ghost?.. can we call them the ghost wings? how about the cardboard wings?

    Other than Chelios, and Hasek, ther'es no personality there. and even Hasek's personality is limited to acting like he is shot everytime someone not in Red comes withing 20 feet of him. It's not like he has a real personality, just an allergy to human's being near him apparently.

  3. Hating the Red Wings is easy. I need more reasons to like the Ducks.

  4. Reason's to like the Ducks?

    umm They aren't the Red Wings? No longer "Mighty"? Hmm that's a tough one though

  5. Want a reason to like the Ducks? Here's a drinking game for the remainder of the playoffs:

    Take a shot of hard liquor every time Pronger fires a slapper from the point and gets glass. You'll be hammered by the end of the 1st Ducks PP...